From End to Beginning
by sepoveda
Summary: Shepard has always been patient with Liara, but that patience has a breaking point.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **So I have been reading ChronicallyinFlaming's An Argument, A separation and it made me wonder. What if something happened during the two years Shepard was dead that haunted Liara. I wanted to turn the tables and try my hand at an argument while working on a new writing style. Thank you to all those that chose to comment and read what I have written._

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_Well Jane, at this rate you're never going to have children. You've done everything short of begging to know what happened in those two years. Why not just lay down the law and give the ultimatum? Ultimatums are the death toll of a relationship. Hell you destroyed the greatest threat to the galaxy, but can't get your bond mate to talk to you. She's ready to start a family; all you have to do is let her have her secret._

She stood up and walked over to the small bar in her office. The room was a museum of her accomplishments. The helmet recovered from the first Normandy's wreckage mocked her.

_I survived for what? I'm relatively happy, but true happiness is still a child away. I can complete my life, in return I just have to let her keep the secret of two years. I just have to stay away from that little corner of her mind she's locked away from me. What's the point of a meld if there are still secrets between us?_

She pulled out a bottle of Scotch, poured two fingers, and swallowed it without pause. A shadow fell over the bar signaling Liara's presence.

"It's a little early to start drinking."

She's probably frowning, with that worried look in her eye.

"There's an old human saying about that. It's five o'clock somewhere."

_Why the fuck did I say that. Now she's going to ask what's bothering me and the argument will start. I could lie, but she would know. She knows what's wrong. Maybe she won't ask._

"What's wrong?"

She turned around and faced the only person she could ever love.

"Same shit different day."

_She knows. She'll either leave or try to reassure me that one day she'll be ready to tell me. How much do I have to love her before it's enough?_

"Why are you letting this bother you?"

_Well that's a new approach. It's not me it's you. This shouldn't feel like a break up._

"It's a road block. It's the only thing between us, the only thing stopping us from having a child."

Liara moves closer, her hand caressing the slightly tanned arm. She places a gentle kiss upon the human's lips. The kiss deepens to something passionate.

_Please don't let this be an attempt to avoid the subject. Do I taste of scotch? Why does this feel so perfect?_

"We can have a child whenever you want."

_Why are you doing this to me? Damn it why am I letting her do this to me? _

She pushed the Asari away.

"Damn it. Don't use our relationship as a weapon."

She walked past her lover and moved through the house, toward the bedroom..

_I can't do this anymore. I can't stay here and play house while it's burning down._

She was packing clothes into her duffel bag.

_Am I really doing this? Where the hell am I going to go? There's no where she can't find me. She's got cameras and operatives everywhere. There's always Omega or Rannoch, both are mostly shadow broker free. Rannoch's out because Tali would totally tell on me. _

"What are you doing?"

_The desperation in her voice, is it real? Is it another ploy to keep me here? Stuck in neutral until she feels I deserve to know what's in that dark corner of her mind?_

"Packing."

_Keep it simple. Don't give details, she will remember everything you say and will use your words against you. She's no longer the love of your life, she's an obstacle. Why does this hurt so damn much? Don't you dare cry!_

"You are on leave for another week. Where are you going? Why are you leaving?"

_She's going to cry, don't you dare give in._

"I think we need some time apart."

The Asari grabs her shoulder forcing a face to face confrontation.

_Why can't you just tell me what I want to know? I won't be the only one in this relationship._

"We have been apart for two months on this last deployment. Why do we suddenly need more time apart? Everything was fine last night. What changed?"

"I can't keep pretending everything is okay. I can't stay here and let you lie to me by omission. I've given you five years to tell me about those missing two years of your life. I have given you everything mind, body, and soul. You can't give me two fucking years."

_I know you've seen it tearing me apart. I've watched that thousand mile stare where you remember. I have touched the pain in your mind associated with those events, yet I am not allowed any further._

"Why don't you trust me?"

_We are back to square one, it's my fault we're having problems. I don't trust you enough, I don't love you enough. When do we get to the point where It's about us being two parts of a whole. _

She finishes packing and turns to her bond mate.

"It's not about trust, love, secrets, or lies. It's about you being chained to your past. A past that you won't even give me the opportunity to forgive."

She leaves the room walking quickly.

_You're doing fine. Just hold it together a little longer._

The Asari is following closely behind her.

"Do not be childish. Stay and we can talk about it. We can work things out."

_Another night of discussing that she just needs another day. Then it will be another tomorrow. They never worked it out. She rebuffed every attempt to resolve this situation. This unbearable and painful situation was never resolved. It was just strung along day after day, month to month, and year to year. _

"Shepard, please do not go."

_It should be simple for her to just give in. Just let go of the past. What could be so horrible that she would let me leave?_

She said nothing as she exited the house. She got into the skycar avoiding the Asari's gaze she drove off.

_You finally did it. You finally drew a line in the sand. You finally let her know the past will dictate our future. Damn it you need to pull over you can't drive and cry at the same time. Damn it Liara why did you make me do this. Why couldn't you just tell me? _

She pulled over and had a good cry.

_What if this is it? Is this the end of us? Will I have to start dating again? Would I even want to? No. There is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. Stop. You're Captain Jane Fucking Shepard. You will find a way eventually to make this work. You have to._

She composed herself and drove on into an unknown future.


	2. Chapter 2

_Goddess, please watch over her until she comes back to me. What if she does not return? No. I will not believe that. I will not give in to despair. Why must she be so stubborn? You would not love her if she was any less than what she has always been. _

She checked her messages again. All reports returned negative sightings of Commander Shepard. She replayed the images of her lover's egress from her. The sky car leaving their home driving a few miles before pulling over, she changed the camera angle to see the tears.

_Do you think I don't want to tell you? It is still too painful and we have had enough pain. I want to have children with you, and you used that against me. Don't use our relationship as a weapon. Isn't that what you've done? Is that why you wanted to make our home on Illium? To provoke me into telling you what happened? Would you be so cruel? No, Jane had never been cruel. _

She watched the images of the sky car taking off, weaving through traffic, and arriving at the space port. She climbed aboard her private ship and disappeared into the vast galaxy.

_I should have placed a tracker on that damned ship. What was I thinking buying her a personal vessel that didn't require a crew? _

"How was I to know she would use it to leave me?"

"It always worries me when you start talking to yourself, kid."

Liara jumped at her father's voice.

"How did you get in? Are you spying on me again?"

"Don't get your panties in a wad. I'm not spying on you figured you might like help finding your bond mate. I don't know how you can lose the most famous person in the Galaxy, Shadow Broker. Also I figured you hadn't eaten in a while so I brought you something to eat."

_I swear if you weren't my father I would have had you killed years ago. Liara, don't think things like that. What would mother say? Then again I'm sure she wanted to kill her sometimes herself._

"I have been searching for her for four days and none of my agents have reported her presence. How are you going to help me find her when none of my operatives can find her? What if something has happened to her?"

_Is it any wonder I'm nothing like other Asari when my father even fails to measure up to the species standard? She has no diplomatic sense and need I mention her lack of parental support. I have never missed you more than in this moment mother. My bond mate is missing and all she can do is mock me._

"She killed how many Reapers single handed? I'm pretty sure she can handle herself, and she's on Omega for your information."

The nonchalant delivery of the statement forced Liara to waive dismissive hand in her direction.

_My agent on Omega has reported negative sightings. I doubt that's valid information. She's just trying to bait me as usual. Why can't I have a normal father? What did my mother see in this Asari?_

"My Omega agent has already informed me she hasn't been seen on Omega, and the listening device in Aria's VIP section hasn't picked up any information on her."

The matriarch moved over to the console and placed a takeout container next to her daughter.

"One of the girls saw her. Aria has known about your operative for a year now. She's allowed the operative to continue working for you on the condition none of her personal business appears on your network. As for your listening devices, if Shepard knows about them that answers that."

Liara stared at her with a mixture of anger and appreciation.

_Thank the Goddess she is alright._

"How long have you known about this and why are you just now telling me?

Her father shrugged.

"Which bit of information are you asking about?"

"Both."

_Goddess, give me the strength to deal with my father. I have not slept in days and she is frustrating to deal with. _

"I've known about the agent about six months and Shepard two days."

_Two days! Why would she wait two days to tell me? Does she enjoy hurting me? What have I done to deserve this? Everyone I love that should love me seems to enjoy hurting me. Jane would never enjoy hurting me. That's evident from her tears at leaving me. She didn't want to do this, but felt she had to do something. _

Liara felt the tears on her cheeks.

"Why would you wait so long to tell me?"

"You never told me why she left, thought I should stay out of it. Then you went stark raving mad and started asking for updates like I was one of your Goddess damned operatives. I figured Nezzy would haunt me if I didn't do something to try to talk you off the ledge, kid."

_This is your fault Jane. You forced me to talk to her and now I'm stuck with an Asari version of Joker. Always showing up at the wrong time with the most distasteful joke she can think of._

"I am in complete control of my faculties."

"Yeah, I can see that from the empty stims around the office. So you're going to Omega?"

Liara placed her head in her hands and cried in earnest. Her voice was a mixture of broken sobs and pain.

"No. I can't go to Omega."

_Of course Jane would go to the one place I swore I would never visit again. The anguish and hurt that place caused me. I have seen enough of that station trying to track down her body._

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She felt her father's awkward embrace.

_I don't want to think about that place, that time._

"I don't want to talk about Omega."

"I meant between you and Shepard. I know what happened on Omega, I've been spying on you since Nezzy's indoctrination remember?"

She stopped crying long enough to stare at her father in horror.

_Of course you know. How many other people know what happened? Will Jane find out before I have a chance to tell her? Oh Goddess. Athame, by all that is holy please don't let Aria tell her._

"Don't tell me you never told her! Of course you didn't."

The matriarch looked up towards the ceiling exasperated.

"Nezzy, I blame you for this. Our daughter is smart enough to run a galaxy wide information network, gain multiple degrees, solve the mysteries of the Protheans, and save the galaxy. But put her in a relationship and she's suddenly as useless as a quad on a Salarian."

_That is it. I have had all I can take of this…this…backwater Krogan wannabe._

She pushed her father away and shot to her feet to put distance between them.

"I do not need your mockery. I do not need your help. You both think this is something she needs to know and it is not. It is my burden to endure. Do you think she will return to me and stay if I tell her what happened? She will look upon me with contempt. She wants to have children, but will not consent until I tell her what happened and I am the transgressor? No. She does not need to know. She either trusts me and my judgment or she does not. "

Her father's sadness draped her features. She looked defeated.

_I have never seen her look so lost. Why is she looking at me like that? She knows what happened. She knows Jane will leave me for this transgression. Why do they not understand? I am doing what I must._

"You don't give her enough credit. Maybe you're right. She doesn't need to know, but she wants to know. Just think it over. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you."

"That will not be necessary."

Her father left and she returned to her consoles.

_Thank the Goddess she's gone. Jane doesn't know what she's asking. We can't always have what we want. Sometimes we need to accept what we are given. She will come back. I will send someone I can trust to Omega. I will find a way to get her to come back to me. We will work this out. We have to work this out. I just need to stop crying long enough to make this call. Tears can wait._


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N**: This chapter is a little longer than usual. I wanted to have some fun with it, and well I was having a little too much fun. As usual bioware owns Places, People, and things. _

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_The die is cast, now it's just a matter of waiting for it to pay off. I may have to go on the offensive. Once I'm off Omega she's going to be able to track me. She's a damn fine Shadow Broker, I'm glad you're proud of your taste in bond mates, but at the moment she's an adversary. I won't get a chance to finish this without her interference. I may have to go onto the offensive._

"Aria wants to see you."

"Bray, my only Batarian friend. Why not just sit down and have a drink with me? I don't have very many Batarian friends."

"It might have to do with that whole Alpha Relay thing."

_I carry their lives with me every day. I don't need to be reminded of it. Maybe all this turmoil is because I don't deserve true happiness. It's not even like I was able to see their faces, but I felt their spirits chase me across the galaxy. Stop. How many would have been lost without their sacrifice? Now is not the time for the dark places to find me._

"Really, shucks and here I thought no one would remember that part."

His four eyes narrowed.

"What? Too soon?"

Bray's rich deep laugh lifted her mood slightly.

"Nah, the Reapers killed more than you I'm sure that's gotta hurt."

"You wound me sir. Anyway you'd be my friend if it wasn't for that pesky Alpha Relay thing, right?

"Shepard, I work for Aria being friends with you would be detrimental to my plans to continue living."

"You shouldn't say it like that. You should say you work for the Pirate Queen, someone like her needs a dramatic title."

"Again, Aria wants to see you. You know how she feels about being kept waiting. Especially, as you seem to always keep her waiting."

She swiveled off the bar stool and shrugged.

"It's one of my quirks. I will have you know many people find it adorable."

_I can think of a particular blue someone that does. I miss you, but I'm doing this for us. Come on Jane, put on your big girl panties and man up. It's not your fault the only place in the galaxy to get the information you need and not have Liara interfere has a bunch of half dressed Asari constantly reminding you where you really want to be. Now buck up and do this._

They walked through the club weaving through the crowd.

"So what does Aria want with me this time?

"Not my place to say, she's the boss and I just do the grunt work.

"Aw come on, you can tell me were friends. Then again I know what it's like to just be a grunt. You go where they tell you, do what they want, and fuck if you don't want to do it. Hey go get that guy, or kill that girl. Once I was nearly killed by a Thresher Maw because we were ordered to check out some distress signal. See that's why we're friends we understand one another."

"There's something wrong with you."

"Yeah people keep saying that. Well wish me luck, Bray."

"All the luck in the world doesn't help people with Aria."

_Valid point. _

She casually strolled up the stairs until she reached Aria's sofa. The asari sat provocatively, the tight leather clad curves of her body seemed to melt into the fabric.

_Why does every asari use their body as an ice breaker? Except Liara, I think that's what makes her so special. Jane, focus on the task at hand. You need to leave you inner masochist home next time._

"Aria, if it isn't my favorite..What…two, three, or six hundred year old crime boss, overlord…station manager? I'm not quite sure what your job title is anymore.

"Shepard I am in no mood for your antics."

"Aw don't say that Aria we've been frenemies for how long now? Long enough I would consider making you Godmother of my kids. That is if my kids turned out to be seriously warped, but still a great honor."

"Yeah, I doubt the good Doctor would appreciate that."

"Oh, Liara just knows you through the information on her network. Once she got to know you're just a big marshmallow on the inside I'm sure she'd get over it."

Aria's head tilted slightly.

"Actually we've met."

_Don't react. Do not give her the satisfaction._

"Oh really, when?"

The Asari stood up and turned her back to her guest staring out at the dance floor below.

"When you were dead, asleep, lost, or whatever we're calling it this year. She was here to retrieve your body. As you know Omega is the best place for…that kind of thing. We are a hub of commerce after all."

There was a faint hint of amusement in her voice, but there was the slightest tension in her body.

_There's more to it. I won't press it. I will let Liara tell me. _

"It's one of the few places one can go to sell the remains of a famous and influential figure such as yourself, without the concerns of pesky authorities. The only other place that would have touched such a deal would be Illium. However even the Asari there would have thought twice about that sort of thing given you saved the Ascension. As for your bond mate she's not what I would call worldly, well back then anyway. I'm sure you've popped that cherry by now."

_Liara should study the expansion of human euphemisms across species. I'm interested to know how an Asari that doesn't have a cherry to pop learned such a phrase. _

"Huh, go figure."

_It can't be a coincidence. Or she's just playing with you. She may be trying to find leverage._

"Aw Shepard, what happened to that wonderful sense of humor of yours."

_I'm not letting you draw me in. _

"It's still intact, just thought you wanted to see me about something."

"You know what I like about you Shepard?

"Is it my winning personality?"

"No, it's that you don't change. Most people no matter the species change as they gain wealth and fame, or when they lose it all. You don't. You expect the world to ebb and flow around you, to bend to your will. You are a true predator, doing whatever must be done to get what you want. It rubs off on those around you; unfortunately this is not the type of place where I want that to rub off on anyone. I think it's time for you to go. Especially, since I have a former Cerberus Operative flying into my system to land on my station. If I were to guess it's most likely to find you."

_It could only be Miranda._

"Aria, what makes you think this is about me? Omega and Cerberus have quite a history together I'm sure they might have left a few things behind she wants to retrieve. You know like an old girlfriend breaks into your place to get back her old vids. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me.

"Yeah and I'm sure the information networks aren't ablaze with someone trying to track you down desperately. Shepard. I may be high on the food chain, but not too high to hear the whispers below. So, is there trouble in paradise?"

_Just keep playing the game. She must have the information by now. She wants to throw me off balance, and Liara is my only known weakness_.

"No, paradise is fine. It's just that I saved the galaxy three times over and want to play with it. You know enjoy the fruits of your labor. Sometimes it's more fun flying solo."

She moved to stand beside Aria staring down at the dancers.

"You know Aria I grew up in a place very similar to Omega, without the non humans obviously. Everyday a lesson in survival and when you join the military they give you wilderness training. They teach you which berries you can eat, show you how to hide your trail, and to track prey. The training is in a number of areas related to survival. The only thing they can't train you on that the streets are perfect for is the sheer volume of shit that can go wrong. Yeah in the wilderness you can be mauled by an animal, break a bone, and a number of other disasters can befall you. They all have the same cause, carelessness. In this environment, it's not carelessness that get's you. It's complacency, because you are sure of your place in the universe, sure of your place on the streets, and sure enough it will get you. That is the difference between so many people and me. Complacency doesn't exist within me. Even in the midst of happiness with my love by my side I will not be complacent. I will strive for more. In a way it's a blessing, but also a curse. How does someone fulfill that, fulfill your need to achieve?"

"We are one in the same aren't we Shepard?"

"In a manner of speaking, I wouldn't say I'm a raging lunatic that likes to keep batarians from being friends with gorgeous soldiers that save the galaxy. But like everyone else I have my days."

"In another life we could have been friends."

"Aw, you mean we're not in this one? Was it something I said?"

"You're starting to bore me Shepard. The information you requested has been forwarded to your ship. By the way, what on earth would possess your intelligent bond mate to send a former Cerberus operative to my station?"

_She admires her…huh. Who knew?_

"Would you prefer the truth or a lie?"

"The truth would be nice for a change."

"I would ask which Cerberus operative you mean, but I know it could only be Miranda. The operative herself answers your question. I would have to say because anyone of my other friends would probably end up on the lamb with me. Miranda can be counted on to try to reel me in to the best of her ability which she will utterly fail at, but it will be spectacular and awe inspiring when she fails. She'll do so with a scowl and an icy glare where as someone like Garrus would end up encouraging me while having the fucking time of his life."

"Go away Shepard."

"Of course Aria, would you like me to wait for my Cerberus operative? I mean I could take her with me…never mind I'll wait for her on my ship. I'll just be going."

"Oh, before you go I have a wonder."

"You're preventing me from complying with your order to go away. Is this a trap?"

The asari turned her head and scowled.

_Did she train Miranda on the icy glare? Maybe there is an Asari Matriarch out there training asari and humans alike on the art of the icy glare. Miranda does it better though, that one errant eyebrow adds dramatic effect. _

"Pray tell what were you wondering?"

"I am wondering why you would need to get the information from me. Your bond mate is more than adequate information broker."

_Adequate doesn't begin to cover my bond mate, thank you very much._

"Yeah, that may be true however my relationship with the person I'm looking for might be a sticking point. You understand."

_I'm sure you looked into it further than was required. _

"Yes, I can understand that. Well good luck. I have the feeling this not the last I will see of you."

"It's usually not Aria. "

"Now, get the hell off my station."

Shepard turned and headed for the exit.

_I have the location of my target, now I need to see about derailing Liara's efforts to interrupt. Once she finds out where I'm going it might take a Krogan army to keep her away…now there is an idea._


	4. Chapter 4

_I need to get up and stop her from meeting with that woman. Wait, I do not remember lying down._

She opened her eyes and sat up.

_This is not my home. _

"Good Morning, Liara. You look a lot better with the assistance of the sedative."

"Dr. Chakwas? You drugged me?"

"Actually I had your father drug you."

_Of course you did. Why must everyone be against me?_

"Did you tell my father that's what you were doing?"

"Yes, she was very concerned that you hadn't been eating or sleeping for that matter. She thought I would put you to bed and you would get a good night's rest. I do feel somewhat bad lying to her though. Shepard requested we bring you to Tuchanka. She wants to go see an old friend and said it would keep a Krogan army to keep you away."

_Why must my father interfere in my life, is this why mother left her? Well there is also her inappropriate comments, and penchant for head butting anyone that gives her cause._

"What has she told you?"

The doctor shrugged and took a seat directly across from the bed.

"I have to confess she just asked for a favor, no details. Would you like to talk about it?"

_Karin is the most patient and understanding individual I have ever met. If anyone can understand my position it would be her._

"How much do you know about how Cerberus' acquisition of her body?"

The doctor raised an eyebrow.

"I know you acquired it and turned it over if that's what you mean."

Liara shifted her position so her feet were on the floor.

"I had endured the loss of the only person I had ever…"

She looked away blushing.

"It was a traumatic time in my life. I embarked upon a quest to retrieve her remains. I had not intended to give her to Cerberus. The promise of her resurrection was too tempting to ignore. The endeavor cost me personally. It is a very painful part of my life that I have locked away even from myself. I do not wish to revisit such pain. Yet that is what she is asking."

The doctor stood up and handed her a tissue.

_Am I crying? Of course I am. Why can I not keep my dignity? My father finds me talking to myself. I break into tears while asking Miranda for help, and now I cry in front of Karin. Why can I not be more like Jane?_

She took the tissue and felt the tears on her cheek, before wiping them away.

"Have you explained this to her?"

"Of course I have. However you know her. Once she gets a thought in her mind she must pursue it with abandon. She does not understand she views it as a barrier. It is an adversary that she must vanquish."

"Often times it is only through reliving such pain that we can let it go. Have you considered that is all she wishes for you?"

_I have considered it, I realize the relief I would feel. How much can I tell my friend? _

"There is more to it. In order to prevail I had to surrender something. It was something personal not only to me, but to Jane as well. I do not believe she could forgive what I surrendered."

The doctor merely nodded.

_Is she hoping I would reveal what I gave up? No, she knows better. She is just an incredibly and infuriatingly patient person. Why couldn't I fall in love with someone like her?_

"I see. This disagreement has been brewing for quite some time. I applaud her patience. Why did she leave?"

Liara sighed.

"I do not know. She just stated we needed time apart. She had already been gone for two months. It all started the same as always. She feels I do not trust her."

_I have given her everything else. Anything else she has asked I have done without question. You want to live on Illium Shepard? If that is what you want then I want it too. Oh, you want to remain active duty and I will be alone much of the year. If it will make you happy, then yes. What about what I have wanted. I only asked you for a child, but you cannot give it to me without conditions._

Karin's chuckle brought her out of her thoughts.

"You are becoming more like her. I'm sorry I don't mean to laugh. It's an interesting development."

"I do not know what you mean."

"Liara, when I first met you this wouldn't have happened. The shy naïve scientist would have gladly given up any secret in order to please the Commander. You have grown up and as such it is only natural that you have your own boundaries. The problem is that the she isn't used to those boundaries. I think the key is to give her the time she has requested to find that out for herself."

_I have always given in to her easily. Is it not about betrayal, but about some act of defiance? I have always considered us equals in our bond, have I not? I often give in because I wish to make her happy was that my error? _

"Why would she not come to me with such concerns?"

"My guess is that she wishes to seek out the answer on her own. I'm not sure this is something any of us can help her figure out."

_I am her bond mate, I know her better than she knows herself in some ways. Why am I not equipped to help her? I certainly know her better than that woman._

"I do not believe she needs to find that woman for her to figure it out."

"Would you like to tell me about the woman of whom you speak? I don't recall ever hearing such venom in your voice when speaking of another sentient being."

"It would be inappropriate for me to share such knowledge, if Jane has decided not to tell you. I just fear she will not get past this, then what?"

Dr. Chakwas stood up moved to stand in front of her friend.

"As I see it there are only three possibilities. She will find her answers and return to you. She will learn nothing and will return to endure the idea of never knowing. The most likely is that you will realize that it is better to give her this one thing and start to exert your will more openly. What I saw of her before your meeting was a woman devoid of life. She existed to serve the Alliance nothing more and nothing less. Since meeting you she has found life. Her eyes light up when speaking of you, her body language is animated in your presence, and in your absence there is emptiness. These things have a way of working themselves out."

_Is it really that easy? Should I just have blind faith in Jane? I used to believe she could do anything. When did my faith in her wane?_

"What of my information network. I should check in on my operatives."

"You know better than that. Shepard set Glyph to automated processing. She planned this out completely, right down to me bringing you to a Prothean dig site here on Tuchanka. It will help keep your mind occupied."

_She knows me all too well._

"Thank you, Karin. I think you are right. I must not lose faith in Jane."

* * *

**A/N**: It might be a little bit before my next update, I apologize for the potential delay. I want to thank everyone for the generous outpouring of support for this particular tale. I hope you continue to enjoy it.


	5. Chapter 5

_The old neighborhood has hardly changed. They've rebuilt a number of buildings, but it's just a new veneer hiding the old desolation within. The war was a blessing for some of the souls that live here. An opportunity to escape poverty and desperation, others are content to return to that life._

The two women stood in front of the Red Lion bar. Shepard turned to Miranda.

"You go in first. I think you would be a sufficient distraction to allow me time to survey the situation."

"Agreed."

The raven haired beauty entered the bar. Her outfit hugged her voluptuous curves. The other woman wearing cargo pants and a plain gray hoodie, her face was hidden from view as she scanned the bar.

_The usual dregs of humanity, the few remaining Reds will be in the back room. _

No one bothered to look up to see the two newcomers. Shepard jerked her head for Miranda to follow her as she made her way towards the door at the back of the room.

"You can't go back there." The bartender called.

Her response full of amusement.

"I have permission."

The short and portly man simply shrugged.

"You're funeral."

"I've had two already, what's one more?"

She pushed open the door and looked over the remnants of the 10th Street Reds.

_Not many old faces, then again there aren't many of them left. _

"Get the fuck out of here, Reds only."

She could feel the dark energy within her companion, but Miranda was good at keeping it hidden until the last moment.

"You can't stop being a Red, or that's what you told me, Finch."

A litany of curses and gasps filled the room. Banks simply nudged her companion who'd been sleeping. He looked up and gazed shifted from confusion to fury.

"What do ya want?"

"I need to talk to Banks."

_I knew he'd hold a grudge about me leaving, but what the fuck does he have to be angry about? He got Banks out of the deal. Well that might explain it._

"Get the fuck outta here. No one wants to talk to you."

"It's going happen; either we can do it the easy way, or the usual way."

"Get her ass outta here."

"Miranda."

The biotic used her abilities to lift the gang leader into the air and dropped him just as suddenly.

"Miranda here can take all of you on her own. Anyone else want to object?"

The remaining gang members simply shook their heads. She turned her attention to the blond.

_She's still pissed off at me. I've only seen that look in her eye one other time. God that was the best bar fight I've ever had. Shit Jane can you blame her after what you'd done._

"Well since we are all in agreement, I'd appreciate it if the rest of you waited outside."

She waited while they all shuffled out the door. She moved over to the table and took a seat across from the busty blond. Miranda closed the door behind the last to exit and stood close enough to listen, but far enough to seem inconspicuous.

"You wanted to talk, so talk?"

She pulled out a cigarette and lit up.

"I needed to talk to someone who knew me before everything."

She twirled her hand to signify her meaning.

_Damn, she still looks the same. There are a few crow's feet around those spectacular amber eyes, and indications her brilliant smile is now a perpetual frown. She's gained some weight in all the right places, were her breasts always that big? She's no Liara, but damn I have good taste. Get a grip, you have a bond mate._

"I obviously never really knew you."

She blew a trail of smoke into the Shepard's face.

"You knew me better than most."

"I knew you? How can you say that? I came home one day to find all your shit gone with no explanation. If I'd known you I would have known you were leaving me, or at least had an idea where you went. It wasn't until I saw the vids about Elysium that I found out you joined up."

"You were content with this life, I wasn't. I wanted more and as long as we were together I would give in to your wants. I couldn't let that happen."

"It's been twenty years and you still have no fucking clue. I may have been satisfied, but I needed you. I needed to have you in order to be happy. When you left, I had nothing."

_She needed me? Is that what's going on between me and Liara? Have I been running around trying to convince her to talk to me, but not bothered to figure out if she needed to keep this to herself. I have seen to every want I've known her to have, but have I been attentive to her needs?_

"If you needed me so damn much why did you betray me?"

"Betrayal requires you to have done nothing wrong to deserve it. You betray me, fucking Shakes would be revenge. In any case it's not what you think."

She rose to her feet slamming her fist on the table, leaving a crack in the marble. Banks jumped slightly at the violent action.

"Not what I think. You fucked my brother. He sent a message confessing and begging for forgiveness. Do you know what his final words were? He said he didn't deserve to be my brother. He disappeared from my life. I lost my only family because of you."

"It's what you did to me. Just made a decision and left me hanging with no way to try to fix it. Serves you right, now that you're the fucking savior of everything I'm sure someone will find him for you."

"You fucking bitch. You did it to fucking hurt me?"

"I didn't do it to hurt either of you. He was so much like you. The way he'd walk into a room suck all the air out of it, the mannerisms that were just like yours, and oddly enough he fucked like you. I missed your touch, the smell of you, and the feel of you against me. I slept with him to feel closer to you. I wasn't ready to let you go Jay. The laugh was on me though; he was too much like you. He just disappeared one day. You apparently both have the same conscience."

"What did you expect we were inseparable since we were kids?"

"You both left me behind. Both left me with nothing but a dirty apartment to remind me of what I lost. I blame you. It never occurred to you that I wanted a future together. Did you consider I was willing to make your dreams come true? That I was willing to become more than I was for you, I wanted us to work towards your dreams together. No, you made the decision on your own as always. A relationship with you is a dictatorship."

_Is that what I'm doing? I decided where we would live, I decided whether to continue my career, and I decided we would wait to have children. Every time I ask her what she wants she says whatever I want. How are we supposed to make decisions together that way? How many times have you insisted she be part of the decision? The one time Liara has stood her ground on a decision was when discussing children and you placed conditions on it. I can save a galaxy, but can't get past my own issues in a relationship._

"For what it's worth, Banks. I am sorry. We were just dumb kids. You can't blame a bunch of kids for being too stupid to know the damage they were causing. We all did what we thought was right."

She shrugged and stood.

"Jay, I knew you told him everything, he knew where you were didn't he?"

She simply nodded. She walked back toward the door with Miranda in tow.

"How long did you hide it from me? How long did you know you were leaving me?"

"Does it matter Banks?

"Yeah, it matters."

"Six months."

_I kept a secret from the person I loved for six months. I have a lot to sort out. Is this about Liara's secret or a comparison between hers and mine? Is my relationship a dictatorship? Fuck, I don't know anything anymore. Except that my life is way too complicated._

They walked through the door, as they entered the bar she noticed the remaining Reds were milling around the bar. They pretended not to see the two of them as they walked through the bar.

_They know they can't take us, better to pretend there was no offense instead of being defeated in front of the people you need to fear you. The streets never change. I guess I haven't either. _

The two stood on the street and Miranda turned to her.

_Here comes the interrogation. _

"Cerberus found no record of you having a brother."

The operative's words sounded more offended than usual.

_You mean I didn't tell you I have a brother. Shit with everything that's happened, it may be had a brother. I need to find out what happened to him. My kids have a right to know their uncle or what happened to him at least._

"Of course Cerberus didn't. Technically he's my half brother. It's not like we have birth documents, our mothers were prostitutes affiliated with the gang. Our father was a Red which meant it had to be a closely guarded secret only five people knew. Banks only knew because of our relationship."

"I don't think Liara will approve of this visit."

"I'll find a way to make it right with her."

_I will find a way. No, we will find away to make everything right again._

"Somehow I doubt that."

"You make it sound like we just went through the Omega 4 relay."

Miranda's laughter lightened the mood.

"Why do I ever doubt you?"

"It's those perfect genes; they make you question the competence of those around you."

"Says the woman who followed me around the Normandy for two weeks before believing I was a competent XO."

"Do you blame me? Who would believe you and Jacob were competent with those Cerberus uniforms?"

"We almost had a touching moment before you ruined it."

"Your human side is showing, did you forget to pack your eternal indifference?"

"It's right next to your maturity."

The two women walked back towards the spaceport continuing their friendly banter.

* * *

**A/N:** Again thank you to everyone that has been following and reviewing the story. Hope you continue to enjoy it. I didn't want to give too detailed a description of Banks. I figured I'd let the readers fill in most of the blanks. You know that old fashioned idea of using your imagination.


	6. Chapter 6

_It was refreshing to be back in the field. Yet I am glad to be home. I must check the data feeds and see when Jane will return._

Liara set her data pad down on the coffee table in the common room. She turned to go to her office and spotted the sight of Jane Shepard sitting on the sofa watching her.

_Thank the Goddess. I am whole again._

"I've missed you Liara."

_Yet you could have returned at any time if that were true. Instead you chose to avoid contact with me. Karin is right, I must set my boundaries._

"I have missed you as well. Are you ready to begin behaving as an adult and talk to me?"

"Some long dead human once wrote that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. He's an idiot. I can't imagine losing you, but I know what I've done may be the cause of just that. I won't blame you, if you decide to leave me. I just hope you will hear me out."

_That is a good start._

Liara nodded for her to continue and took a seat next to the woman she loved, careful to avoid physical contact.

"The sad part is Aria of all people gave me the first clue to my failure as a bond mate. She told me I expect the galaxy to bend to my will. I'm afraid she's right. I have always had our relationship bend to my will. I have only tried to do this twice, the first time I just left. This time I decided to fight to save it. I realize now that I've treated our relationship as if I was your superior and you were another soldier under my command. We never discussed our decisions, we just laid out the facts and I made a choice. I don't want to do that anymore. I want us to decide things together. That is if you still want to be bonded to me."

_How could she have any doubt of that? Have my actions dictated otherwise?_

"Jane, I will always desire you as my bond mate. I just realize how short our time together will be, considering your lifespan. I have my own fault in this matter. I give in to you, because I know I have ten human lifetimes to endure without you."

_Goddess, I do not know how I will survive those centuries of emptiness._

She shook her head.

"I just do not understand why you had to be away from me to learn these things."

Shepard looked down at her hands. She looked as if she were trying to read her own palms.

"I can't think beyond you. In your presence I have only one concern and that's you. I want to give you everything you want. It wasn't until that moment I knew that I needed to figure out why I couldn't let go of the past. I thought you were keeping us from having children, when it was my fault. I failed you when I died. I wanted to face my own failure head on, but never bothered to ask what you needed. If you need to keep this secret then do what you must. I will love you and have children with you regardless. "

_If it took losing you for a few weeks for this result, I will not hold it against you._

"Do you truly mean that?"

Shepard looked at her a familiar glint of determination in her eyes.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Liara smiled and took Shepard's left hand and placed it between her own two hands.

"No. I also know you would never hurt me intentionally. Would you like to tell me why you went to Earth?"

Shepard took a deep breath.

"I went to Earth to figure out who I was before the soldier. Instead I learned I haven't changed. I knew I was leaving Banks and never told her. Even back then I made decisions for the people around me, never considering what they needed. There I was standing on the other side of a decision I made twenty years ago. I saw the consequences of my choice. I don't regret the choice I made, but the way I handled it. I lost the only family I had because of it. It was different because she couldn't see that part of myself I kept locked away from her. I see the separation every time we meld. I can let go of it, because that's what you need from me. My visit to Earth changed everything."

_She is willing to let the past go, because of my needs. She is so selfless when it comes to me. How can I continue to deny her when faced with such acts of devotion?_

"Jane, what do you mean you lost the only family you had?"

She saw the pain in the woman's eyes and squeezed her hand to signify her support.

"William Shakespeare Wallace was my half brother. When I left the Reds to join up he stayed behind. I was saving up my pay to help him go legit. Unfortunately, Banks turned to him as a replacement for me. She used his loneliness and seduced him. It destroyed him Liara. He sent me a message confessing and then just disappeared. I don't even know if he's alive or dead."

Liara gently placed Jane's hand on her lap and proceeded to place each of her hands on the side of her face and wipe away the tears.

"If I am not mistaken he is the one you refer to as Shakes?"

The woman merely nodded.

"Then I have good news for you. He is alive and well. He is currently working for the T'Soni Information Brokerage Firm."

Jane looked up disbelief radiated from her face.

_It is good to know I can still surprise you._

"How long has he been working for you?"

"He helped me set up the firm. After I recovered your body I returned to Illium to find him waiting for me. He said he could tell we were involved from the way you looked at me in the vids. I recognized him from your memories and well I needed someone that understood the way the darker side of the galaxy worked. I informed him of Project Lazarus and we worked together to build the firm for two years. When I received word that you were alive, he swore me to keep his existence a secret, unless you asked."

"Is that the secret you've been keeping all this time?"

_If only it were, things would be so much simpler._

"No. It is a secret I have kept out of gratitude for all he's done for me. The secret I have been keeping is far more personal."

Jane's expression turned dark.

"Did you sleep with him?"

_How could she think such a thing? Consider the circumstances; someone else she loved used him as a way to reconnect with her. You did the same thing without the use of sex. Seeing his face fueled your hopes for the success of Project Lazarus. I can understand that Banks woman's actions, though I could never hurt her in such a manner._

"I would never hurt you in such a way. Unlike Patricia Banks, I knew you would return to me."

"I'm sorry. I just."

Jane took Liara's hands from her face.

"I understand, Jane. I think the time has come for us to shed the shackles of the past."

_I pray to the Goddess that you will understand that everything I have done has been for you._

* * *

_**A/N: **Thank you again for all the reviews and views of this story. I am sad to say we are coming up on the end of this particular tale. It lasted far longer than I intended, but it was fun to write. Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I really wanted to capture the next part of the story from Shepard's POV. I really only have one or two more chapter in mind at this point. I will say I am playing around with the idea of having the infamous Shakes make an appearance at some point so it could easily become three more chapters. I will have to focus on Heart of Darkness for a little bit, it's feeling a little unloved at the moment so there may be a slight delay in the next update. Especially if Glacial Fire, Pressure, or Of Sheep and Battle Chicken are updated, since I have my own fanfiction addictions to support. _


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: _**Let me start by saying I am sorry. This chapter is shorter than usual, and took me a while to put together. This was an exercise in dialogue. The purpose was to write a story that was focused on the flow of conversations. You notice there aren't many descriptions or actions. So in order to flesh out the story I had to keep things centered around that. The next chapter will probably not follow the same formula in order to provide the proper context for what I have planned. I want to again thank many of you for the follows and reviews as they often lead me to other interesting stories.

* * *

_I took care of it. I went out and did what I always do. I solved the problem. Maybe I should become a detective when I retire. Shepard and T'Soni detective agency, we can travel the galaxy solving mysteries. When we have kids we can bring them along, like that really old vid, the thin man, without the alcoholism. I take that back, with the alcoholism._

"Liara, that's not necessary. I took care of it."

Liara looked at her with a look that mixed exasperation and anger.

"Jane, I have caused this mess. I must put it right."

"It's not your fault. I was wrong to hold this against you."

Jane reached for Liara only to have her stand up and walk away from her. Liara turned on her the anger apparent in her stance.

"Why must you do that?"

Jane shook her head.

_What the hell did I do wrong this time?_

"Do what?"

"You absolve me of guilt. When I am wrong you accept blame or you say no one is to blame."

"Do not."

Liara rolled her eyes.

"You did not allow me to accept blame in your death."

"The collectors killed me, why would I blame you?"

"Had I not argued with you, there would have been plenty of time for you to reach the escape pod."

"We don't know that."

_Do you want me to be angry with you?_

"Why weren't you angry with how I treated you on Illium."

"You'd been through a lot. I can't blame you for that."

Liara sighed in frustration.

"You were angry with Ashley."

"She insulted my honor. That's different."

"You did not care that I did not visit you on Earth while you were incarcerated."

_Like visiting me trumps finding miracle device that saves the universe._

"You were doing some very important work on Mars."

Liara made a frustrated sound.

_If I thought she wouldn't kick my ass I would tell her how cute she looks right now._

"I kept secrets from you."

_Now she wants me to be stuck on that. I don't get Asari sometimes._

"As I said, it's my fault for handling our relationship the way I did."

"No. We are mutually at fault for this mess. I am more so at fault as it was my failure to recognize the importance of this to you. You do not get to come back and fall on the sword yet again. I am not perfect."

"I know that. I really don't want to fight. I thought we could get to the making up and maybe make a few little blue children."

_If it's anything like the Hagalaz makeup sex, we'll definitely be leaving some marks. _

"Not until you acknowledge that I have as much blame in this as you."

_What the hell. She's been around human women too long. I blame Ashley._

"Fine, I admit it. Can we make up already?"

"Why must you be so dense?"

_Okay those are fighting words. We're fighting. Why are we fighting?_

"What do you want from me? Do you want me to spike your food with Ipecac like I did Joker? Will that make you feel better?"

"No. I want you to stop acting as if I do not make mistakes."

Jane dropped her head into her hands and sat in silence.

_Do I act like she doesn't make mistakes? Granted if she had told me when I asked it wouldn't have escalated. I can't blame her for the death thing, that's still on the collectors. No. It's definitely Joker's fault. As for Illium, I still don't know everything she'd gone through, but she's right I automatically gave her a pass._

"Okay. Maybe you're right. I guess I still need to work on the whole mutual decisions and equal blame thing. I just didn't think it mattered this much to you."

Liara returned to sit next to her love.

"Jane, I should have told you about this before our bonding. I have feared you would leave me once you knew the truth. I find that most of my failings are with you. I made numerous bad decisions out of fear of losing you that I have lost sight of a valuable truth. If you do not love me enough to forgive me, you are not mine. It is a bond built upon deception. Our bond ceremony was empty and meaningless."

The tears fell freely as she spoke.

"Oh shit."

She embraced the asari, gently rubbing her back with her right hand.

"It's that bad? Look, I love you. I may not agree with the decisions you make, but that doesn't change how I feel. It's not like we got bonded after a drunken night on shore leave. Unless it changes who you are on a fundamental level, it's irrelevant. I love you for you, not what you've done or haven't done."

_Shit, I fought a Yahg in hand to hand combat for you. What have I done to make you believe my feelings are that shallow? Well I did run off for a few weeks. No, I did that because I love her. This equal responsibility thing is going to be harder than I thought. _

The asari pushed her away and stared into her eyes.

"I…I just know how you feel about being deceived."

"It's not a deception. You told me you'd done some pretty bad stuff for me. I didn't know what it was and frankly at the time didn't care. I was more interested in laying claim to you than what you'd done. I wanted to make sure you were mine. Starting today equal responsibility and equal blame you hear me?"

The gentle smile that was exclusively Liara spread across the Asari's face.

"Yes."

"Yes, What?"

Liara giggled.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. We can discuss what happened later. Right now, I want to show you just how much I missed you."

The commander stood up and threw the surprised Asari over her shoulder. She carried her back towards the bedroom.

"I must warn you, I have been very frustrated lately."

"Ha, then I was right. There will be marks."

"Captain, I assure you there will be marks only if you resist."

"Oh I will resist."

Their laughter filled the house.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Here is the big reveal of the secret. I wanted to do multiple POV in order for you to understand the two individuals motivations. Feel free to leave comments and reviews. I thank you all for staying with me. I didn't intend for the secret to be drawn out so long. **_

* * *

**2183**

**Location: Milky Way / Omega Nebula / Sahrabarik/Omega**

She stood resolute staring out at the dance floor of Afterlife considering her options_. She's here for the body. It's the only thing she could be after. The way they looked at one another in all the vids_. Her eyes narrowed as she spotted her prey. She saw both Benezia and Atheyta in the child. The worse kept secret in the Matriarchy, but the child didn't know. She watched her move with a grace and beauty reserved solely for their species. _What price would she pay for the return of something so precious she seeks her out even in death? She will try to buy me, but I can't be cheap. I cannot allow her to tip the delicate balance of power. _A sigh escaped Aria. She tired of playing the game sometimes. _I must tread carefully the eyes of the Matriarchs will be upon me. I cannot give anything freely or they will view me as a threat as well. I can't fight the mercs and the matriarchs. What price? _

Her thoughts were broken by Anto's rich baritone.

"Dr. T'Soni has arrived, what are your orders?"

She continued to look out over her domain.

"Send her to my private quarters and tell her I will arrive shortly."

She barely heard his reply as she returned to her contemplation. _Let her wait. I wish to see what she's learned from the matriarch and the soldier. This should be at the very least interesting._

* * *

Liara didn't dare become comfortable; she was in the varren's den. _Liara, a Matriarch's daughter must not show fear. There are many that would prey upon it. Hold your head high and be impervious to all that survey you._ She pushed away her mother's voice instead embracing the knowledge provided by a far more reliable source given the circumstances. _In dealing with criminals remember to never make eye contact. While in diplomacy it's a sign of veracity, it will get you killed on the streets as a sign of disrespect. They need to know you respect them, but also let your eyes become flat and devoid of emotion. It will signify that while you respect them, you are equally dangerous. _She warred with herself on whose advice best suited the situation. She'd never really prepared for this type of thing. Shepard had only shared the knowledge while speaking of her childhood on Earth. It was difficult to determine if the advice was universal or exclusive to humans. The ruler of Omega was an Asari, surely she was adept at the tricks of the Matriarchs. Shepard's advice might allow her to throw Aria off balance.

She resisted the urge to fidget or pace as the minutes passed. Exactly twenty minutes after entering the room a door opened. A tall graceful Asari entered. Tight leather clung to her body with the occasional glimpse of purple skin. She didn't even look at the other occupant of the room as she moved to a bar and poured a swirling black liquid into a glass. _She is letting me know she doesn't perceive me as a threat. _Her typical Asari grace enunciated every step as she moved to a console. A few taps later and the entire wall blinked to life with images of every nook and corner of Afterlife. _Goddess even the bathroom stall includes cameras. It is a show of power. She wants me to know nothing is hidden from her gaze. I must be very careful._

The rude tone pulled Liara from her thoughts.

"So child what do you want from the ruler of this rock?"

Liara lifted her chin and approached the other Asari.

"I wish the location of a transaction. I have been told nothing happens on Omega without your knowledge."

"I know of many transactions, you must be more specific if you wish my assistance."

"The Shadow Broker is selling the body of Commander Shepard. I wish to know where and when."

"Why not ask the drell, Feron."

Liara noted the smile that tugged at the purple lips. _Another display of power, you can do this. _

"The Broker is playing this one close to the vest. Due to the…nature of the transaction he has not informed his agent of the details."

The other Asari took a sip from her glass, her eyes never straying from Liara.

"Hmm, that's interesting. How did you learn of this transaction?"

_Time for a display of power of my own, I must not let her see my distaste for the methods I employed._

"Shadow Broker agents are surprisingly forthcoming when you use biotics to break their bones one at a time. He was kind enough to direct me here."

This time the smile reached Aria's eyes.

"I will tell you for a price."

"How much do you want?"

Aria moved over to the bar and put down her drink. She moved over to the wall and leaned against it. She looked up as if in thought.

_She already knows the price and it's not credits. Goddess what have I gotten myself into? It doesn't matter Jane is worth anything, I would give my very life to get her back._

"I find myself wondering what makes this corpse so special. All the powers in the Galaxy are vying for something that would normally be worthless."

Liara swallowed the rage the words evoked. It was difficult to keep the façade of indifference upon her countenance. _You know nothing. She is worth everything._

"I will tell you the location, if you can show me the value of the commodity in question."

Liara shook her head and her brow furrowed. _I do not understand. How can I prove Jane's worth? _

Aria read the young Asari's body language and pushed off the wall.

"A meld will be necessary. Show me why she's so important to you."

Liara felt her stomach drop and her grief briefly flit across her face, before she schooled her features. _She's worth any price._ She nodded and approached Aria. Standing just a foot away from the older Asari her eyes turned black as the vastness of space.

"Embrace Eternity."

* * *

Those sparkling emerald eyes peering out from behind the helmet as she caught the exhausted Asari on Therum. A lopsided grin as she spoke in almost a whisper. "Careful Doctor, it seems you're falling for me and we just met." Liara can't resist rolling her eyes at the inaccurate description of events.

A few months later a hand pushing away Liara's shaking pistol as she's about to kill her own mother. The loud bark of two shots from the Commanders other hand ending the life of the only person that's ever loved Liara. A moment later cradling her mother she looks into sad green eyes. "Why didn't you let me give her peace?" The commander removed her helmet and ran a hand through sweat dampened red locks. "It would have destroyed you. I couldn't let you carry that burden. It's my job to protect the members of my crew, even from themselves." A gentle hand on her shoulder as the Commander looks away. "I would rather you hate me, than yourself."

A week later on Sharjila the Commander is looking up at Liara as she tries to stop the bleeding. A single hand traces the Asari's jaw. "I need to tell you something." Liara shakes her head even as tears fall from her eyes. "Do not speak. Chief Williams is fetching the med kit from the Mako." She is too weak to properly shake her head or to stop her arm from falling to her side. "No matter what anyone says, I'm glad you spent 50 years studying the Protheans. I hadn't seen beauty before setting eyes on you. I just wish there was time. I want to study you for the rest of my life."

An insistent voice breaks through the memories. _It's not enough._

They are on Illos looking for a way to open the bunker. A colossus stands in the courtyard flanked by Geth. Liara is in cover staring across the way at Shepard. There's a wink, a lopsided grin, and then she's gone. All Liara hears is the typical order. "Focus on the bipeds I have the Colossus. Liara takes a moment to throw a singularity and witnesses the Commander slide under the beast and fire her assault rifle into its belly. The creature tries to reorient itself to fire upon the hostile human, but she's already up and jumping over a chest high wall as the grenade she left beneath it explodes. The beast has been slain in a matter of moments.

She senses rather than hears the gasp that isn't her own, before the voice speaks once more. _Show me her most intimate moment._ Liara's thoughts refuse the request only for the voice to remind her of the stakes. _Deny me and the location is lost to you._

A few days before Jane's death Liara is pushed against the wall, there is no tenderness only hunger. Shepard captures her lips and forces open her mouth. Their tongues battle to dominate one another. Shepard's ferocity takes over as she lifts the folds of the dress and rips the underwear off her partner. Her fingers finding their target she enters the wet folds and takes Liara. She breaks the kiss as her mouth moves to the delicate neck of her quarry. "You are mine." The words are muffled but clear in the way her adept fingers move taking what they want. Liara's moans seem to drive her as she quickens the pace of her lovemaking. She can feel the human's hips moving in time with her fingers. Liara has never known such passion, her mind pulsates with need. She feels her control over her mind waning. "Meld with me, now." Liara lets go of her mind, surging forward to merge two into one. The memories of their lives, the essence of their being, and conscious thought all are washed away into a landslide of ecstasy. The climax is swift and satisfying. She can feel the love, the need, and contentment. The meld slowly dissipates leaving the two spent figures leaning against the wall gasping for air. Liara can feel tears on her neck where the commander has laid her head. "Jane? What is wrong?" She weakly shook her head. "You deserve so much more. Why would you want me?" The Asari rubs her back and speaks quietly. "I have lived 106 years and never met anyone I wanted to meld with let alone kiss. You are my first and I hope my last, because you are strong, faithful, and vulnerable. You are a contradiction of terms Commander, a beautiful conundrum that I cannot hope to solve." She can feel the grin upon her shoulder.

* * *

The meld fades. Liara finds herself pinned to the wall, tears flowing from her eyes at the memory of her dead lover. Aria has her head nuzzled in the maiden's neck. She is panting as if she's just run a marathon. She pushes herself away and turns on her heels.

"The lower levels of Omega…The old mining processing plant. This meeting is over."

As quickly as she entered Aria is gone. The broken maiden is left alone to cope with the grief the memories of her lost love.

"Forgive me, Jane. Please forgive me. I did it for you."

* * *

A few moments later Aria entered her private office. She found Matriarch Aethyta waiting for her. The rage is written into her very features. She stands and moves with purpose towards Aria.

"I saw everything. What the hell are you playing at Aria?"

The self proclaimed Queen of Omega moved to her desk and her head falls.

"I didn't know. Most maidens have dozens if not hundreds of partners by the age of 106. How was I supposed to know?

_The child was more innocent than my own daughter at her age. I am not such a monster, had I known would it have mattered? _She shook the thoughts from her head.

"That doesn't answer my question."

Aria collected herself. Aethyta was the only person in the Galaxy she'd ever allow to see her so vulnerable. She was a friend and a comrade that had proven herself repeatedly. She didn't play politics and she didn't give a damn about power or credits. She'd come to Omega and cried in her friend's arms upon finding out her daughter would never know her.

"I am not playing at anything. I had to elicit a price. I couldn't just give it to her not even for you. The Matriarchs are watching not to mention all of Omega. I needed her to leave here with tear stained eyes to prove I am still to be feared. I didn't know damn it. You should be proud of her; she handled herself better than her mother ever could. It is the human's influence."

The Matriarch laughed bitterly.

"That damn human is the reason she's risking her life for a fucking corpse."

The older Asari headed for the door. Aria turned around.

"That human is worth it. She wouldn't let her kill Benezia, she thought of her when she thought she was dying, and she never believed she was worthy of your kid."

The Matriarch nodded and left.

Aria spoke into the empty room.

"And she fights like a Krogan."


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: So here is the update. I will try to close this story out in the next chapter. It was a fun experiment, but it's a little more taxing than my normal style. I have another femshep story in the works, but it may be awhile before I get it together. Thank you to all of you that read and follow what I have written. I appreciate the reviews._**

* * *

Liara couldn't bring herself to look at the woman in front of her. Instead she gracefully moved away and stared at the various artifacts within Jane's office.

_She should recover from the meld shortly. If she cannot forgive me I will not be able to bear the memories of this house. I would need to find other living arrangements._

She fought back the tears and waited for Jane to end the silence.

"So did you kill him?"

She turned towards her human. The Asari's brows bunched in confusion and she shook her head.

"Did I kill who?"

Jane rolled her eyes.

"And I'm the dense one? The shadow broker's agent whose bones you broke."

Liara nodded and looked away in guilt.

_Of course she would pick up on that. I had changed so drastically. Maybe that was what I truly feared. She may not be able to love someone who could torture another sapient being._

"I could not afford to let him live. He might have warned the broker."

"Well it explains why Aria looks at me that way. She wants to bang me. Huh. All that cold indifference is bullshit."

_Her ego knows no bounds._

"Jane."

"What?"

"You are not upset."

"No. Kind of flattered, but not upset."

"Goddess, why do I even try?"

"Am I missing something?"

"I shared a deeply intimate moment. Do you not feel betrayed?"

"It's just a memory, Liara. It's not like you fucked Aria. I'm not ashamed by how I feel about you. I am concerned though by the fact you felt violated by the meld."

Liara looked away pretending to examine the chess board that had once belonged to the Cerberus General.

"In Asari culture the sharing of memories is always voluntary. The act of forcing someone to…to share intimate memories is considered a violation. She did not force me to share them with her, but demanded it in return for your body. I did what had to be done."

She could feel the anger pulse through her bond mate.

"In Human culture, it would be called coercion. If I remember correctly melding is reserved for close friends, family, and bond mates. How often do Asari share memories of their sexual activities with others?"

"It is not unheard of, but it is not common."

"Let's stop dancing around the reason you don't like discussing it. She hurt you when she coerced you into showing her those memories."

She turned and approached her love.

_I must defuse the situation. _

"I was young, at the time it was very painful. I hadn't allowed myself such memories. It was too difficult...It felt like a betrayal to your memory. I had melded with someone other than you. Though it was a knowledge meld, it was still…"

Liara looked down and shook her head.

"I am older and know everything I did was worth it. She did not hurt me. She prepared me for the road ahead."

"What the fuck. How could you let me help her take back Omega? That explains why I had to come alone. Didn't want to see the Asari she date raped again. Oh I'm so going to kill her."

"Rape? We did not have sex! It was not that type of meld."

Jane's hands held her firmly, almost painfully.

"You use words like violation and force. She was in your mind. So I would call that mind rape. The only difference between what she did and Morinth's invasion into my mind was the use of leverage."

"Why are you angry? Is it the fact that she coerced me into giving her my memories? Or is it the fact you were the leverage?"

"Both."

"I do not want to be the cause of a full scale invasion of Omega. I know you wish to seek retribution, but you must promise me you will not."

"I can't make that promise."

Jane released her hold on the Asari and took a step back. She could see the anger fading.

_I must remind her what is at stake. _

"We are going to be parents. You must learn to control this urge to kill, hurt, or maim those that you feel wronged me. It is juvenile and not something a good parent would do."

"I have no such urge."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Tela V'Sair.

"The rogue Spectre had to die because she betrayed the council."

Liara narrowed her eyes.

"What about the Krogan that insulted me on Tachunka?"

"Friendly fire happens."

"Odd, how he was the only one that died as a result of **your** friendly fire."

"Hey, we don't know it was **my** shot that killed him."

"You were the only one with a plasma weapon."

"Why are you using **your** logic against me?"

_How will I cope with her and a child?_

"Jane Louise Shepard, promise you will not seek retribution."

"Do not call me Jane Louise. You know I hate that. I promise I will think about it."

"Not good enough. I have put this behind me. I do not wish to open old wounds."

"Fine, I promise to do no harm on one condition."

_Why could the Goddess not allow me to love a sane human?_

"What condition?"

"I want to talk to Aria about it away from Omega."

"How do you plan to get her to leave Omega?"

Jane smiled.

"Just sit back and watch T'Soni. I evaded the Shadow Broker for an entire two weeks. I think I can get Aria T'Loak off Omega."

Liara placed a hand on her hip.

"Your plans always end one of four ways. An explosion, my paying for damages, a hospital visit, or a ban from some establishment."

"The ban was Garrus' fault. He pushed me into the fountain."

"They wouldn't have banned you had you just gotten out of the fountain. However pulling Garrus in and then spitting water into the concierge's face was entirely your doing."

"In my defense I was drunk."

"That is not a defense. In the words of Ashley Williams, you have 18 months to get your shit together."

Jane's grin was mischievous.

"Or what, T'Soni? It's too late to say you won't have my baby. You have no leverage."

"Or I will put Ashley in charge of training our child to fight, Garrus in charge of target practice, and all you will be allowed to do is take her to dance class where **you **will learn to dance with her."

"You can be very cruel."

Liara slipped her arms around Jane's waist. Her lips brushed gently against the human's ear.

"Oh you have no idea. I have been away from my network far too long. I'm cutting you off as punishment."

Liara pushed Shepard away. She turned and exited the room. She didn't need to turn around to see the pained look on Jane's face. It was always the same when she was cut off.

_Wait for it._

Ten seconds later she could hear Jane's scream.

"Nooooooo!"

_She can be such a drama queen._


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: So here is the last chapter. I may reach back out to the characters of the story in the future, but for now it's the end. Sorry for the long pause between this and the last chapter, but real life got in the way. I hope you all enjoyed the journey. I will be focusing my efforts on finishing at least a heart of darkness, before starting my next femShep story. Feel free to leave comments, concerns, and suggestions for future endeavors. Thank you again to each of you that followed this story from start to finish._**

* * *

Jane Shepard wore her dress blues with a mix of pride and sorrow.

_I'll wear them once more at the retirement ceremony, but it's for the best. I don't want to be a father that watches first steps on a vid or hear her first words over an omni tool. _

She continued to stand in front of the mirror staring at her reflection. She heard the hiss of the door and turned to find her bond mate walking into the room. Her brilliant smile was complimented by the white and silver dress.

"You know it's a human custom not to see the bride to be before the wedding."

"Well then it is a good thing I am not human, besides we are already bonded."

The Asari slipped her arms around the human's waist and pulled her into a gentle kiss. They kept the kiss chaste by their standards.

"Why do you always have to use your Asari logic to ruin my points?"

The Asari pulled away and began straightening Jane's dress blues.

"I only use it when your points get in the way of us being together."

The Asari looked at the two of them in the mirror.

"You look so ravishing I almost forgot why I came in here. He's waiting outside. He has no idea what's going on so be gentle."

The woman smiled making her emerald green eyes spark.

"Aren't I always?"

Liara shook her head as she picked a piece of lint off the uniform. Shepard briefly rubbed the slight bump in the dress where her child lay cradled. She let her hand linger as she walked away. The door hissed and she exited the small room into the banquet hall for the reception. She stood still staring at the broad shoulders, thick black hair, and muscular arms of the man whose back was to her.

_Don't cry. Don't cry…You're Captain fucking Shepard, galactic badass, you don't cry._

"I still don't understand why you needed me to be here Liara. I mean I'm sure you could…."

As he turned around the words died upon his lips. The two stared at one another letting the room fall into silence.

_Galactic badass, yeah right you can't even form a word. Fuck words._

She walked towards him, and surprised herself when it became a run. She threw her arms around him and squeezed.

"I thought you were dead for so long. I never dreamed I'd see you again."

His laughter filled her ears.

"Yeah, well you actually died. I think that makes us even."

She pulled away and looked into his face. Her hands moved up to frame his face. The last of his boyish features had solidified into a chiseled jaw and his mother's high cheek bones. They shared their father's green eyes and blunt nose.

"So I hear I have you to thank for taking care of my bond mate while I was being upgraded to Jane 2.0."

"Yeah, well I figured I owed you one. I'm sorry about Banks."

The happiness in his eyes dimmed to sorrow as he looked away. She waved her hand.

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're here now. Speaking of which, I was wondering if you would be my best human."

He narrowed his eyes and raised his eyebrows.

_I can't believe he still does that when he's confused._

"I have a Best Turian, and a Best Krogan. They're both males so best man doesn't really fit the bill anymore."

"How can I resist when you put it like that."

"Yeah, well I have a way with words."

The moment was broken when a door on the far end of the hall opened. Miranda Lawson entered wearing a flawless blue dress that matched her eyes.

"Shepard…I didn't know you had company."

She smiled as Miranda's hips seemed to sashay a little more than usual.

"It's just my bother. What's up?"

"Aria T'Loak has arrived."

"Thank you. Miranda Lawson I would like to introduce you to my brother William Shakespeare Winston."

The dark haired vixen was obviously appraising the man before her. His green eyes sparkled as he spoke.

"We've met. You were…incapacitated at the time."

"I can see the resemblance now. As I recall you didn't have anything nice to say at the time."

"Promising a grieving Liara that you could resurrect the dead seemed unnecessarily cruel. I concede you were right."

"Yet, you haven't apologized."

He shrugged.

"We get it from our father."

Jane laughed and shrugged as well.

"He has a point."

"Just what I needed another exasperatingly immature member of your family."

"Just wait, I'm about to be a father. I can only imagine how you will handle three of us."

Miranda let her head fall into her hand.

"Obviously God is punishing me for playing with the forces of nature."

She turned and started to leave. She stopped just before the door and turned to look back at Shakes.

"Well are you coming. I'm sure your sister would like to speak with Aria privately."

He looked down at his sister and smiled.

"I've still got it."

He turned to leave and she stopped him with a hand on his arm. He turned back towards her. She pulled him into a hug.

"I love you. You're going to be an uncle and it would be irresponsible for you to leave again."

His strong arms held her tight.

"I couldn't bring myself to do it again. I lost you once, now you're stuck with me forever."

She released him and they nodded at one another. He walked over and took Miranda's arm. The woman looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He laughed at the haughty gesture.

"Don't worry; I'm just using you to make the really pretty woman jealous."

"Why couldn't you stay Shepard's long **lost** brother?"

She didn't hear his response as they exited the room. She touched her face to make sure no tears had escaped. She was in the process of straightening her uniform when the door opened once more. She looked up to see Aria enter. The Asari had chosen a dress that matched her facial markings. The human moved over to the bar and poured a glass of the vile looking black liquor the Asari drank. She pushed the glass across the bar. Aria took the glass and emptied the contents before speaking.

"I would guess it's safe to assume she's told you."

Shepard leaned against the bar.

"Yeah it would. She says I have to start solving my problems with words now that I'm going to be a father. Just so we're clear I do **want** to kill you."

"I get that a lot. So how are you going to solve your problem with words?"

"Oh, I don't intend to solve this problem with words. I'm just not going to kill you. I've had a few months to think about it and I want retribution. The most valuable memory you have will make us even."

The Asari looked down at the empty glass. Her face was unreadable after a few moments she spoke.

"Fine, but once it's done we will never speak of it again."

Shepard nodded and before she could brace herself, she felt Aria in her mind.

* * *

The pain was expected, but still overwhelming_. Childbirth shouldn't be this difficult._

"I'm here. You're doing great."

She simply nods at Atheyta's encouragement. The midwife between her legs looks up briefly.

"Just one more big push and it will be over."

Aria bears down pushing with all her strength. The pain has started to subside with the exception of a dull throbbing of overworked muscles she wasn't aware she had. There's no crying no indication of life and she holds her breath. _Don't panic. _Time seems to stand still as she waits for the telltale cries proving she's become a mother. A moment later she hears the cries of her newborn daughter. The midwife hands her the tiny bundle and she looks down at the new life. The child's eyes are closed and her cries subside as she settles into her mother's arms. Aria holds the bundle tightly feeling nothing but love. She gently stroked the baby's cheek.

"Liselle, you are beautiful."

A gruff voice interrupts the moment.

"Thank you for letting me experience this moment with you."

Aria looks up to see Atheyta's tears. They were a reminder that her friend has a daughter she would never really know. A wave of hatred washed over her at the thought of the pain Benezia has caused her friend.

"You are the only person I would want to share this moment. You've been a good friend."

Atheyta nodded.

"I'll watch over her as if she were my own."

"I will do the same for your daughter."

They sat in silence staring at little Liselle as she slept. _Nothing will ever mean as much to me as you. You are my greatest achievement. _Aria was tired. Her daughter had the right idea. She was tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep.

* * *

Jane came back to herself as Aria's mind retreated.

"Why did you do it, if you promised Atheyta?"

Aria reached over and poured another drink. She drank it in a single swallow.

"I was trying to save her. I knew if she succeeded the Shadow Broker would chase after her to get your body back. I was hoping it would deter her from continuing. I was wrong. You have been blessed by the Goddess with someone that loves you more than her own life. It gave her the strength to retrieve your body, find a way to bring you back from the dead, and defeat the Shadow Broker. She truly believes she has nothing without you. Cherish that. I have nothing. I may be the ruler of Omega, but at what cost? I lost Liselle."

Jane watched in awe as Aria wiped away the tears.

"In the words of the immortal Jane Shepard, I should go."

Aria turned and left.

Jane looked down at the empty glass.

_I have been blessed, but am I not cursed as well. Aria is one of the strongest people in the Galaxy, but she feels nothing but emptiness at the loss of her daughter. My daughter will lose me centuries before the end of her own life. Is it selfish of me to bring her into the world knowing she will mourn my passing long before she should had I been born an Asari or Krogan?_

She hadn't heard Liara enter the hall and approach her. It wasn't until the Asari spoke that Jane snapped out of her own thoughts.

"Are you alright, Jane?"

She looked up.

"Is it selfish of me to have an Asari child? I won't be there when she needs me."

She could see the concern in Liara's eyes, as she felt the tears in her own.

"Jane. She will remember you as the woman that made the nightmares go away, that told her stories of the Normandy, taught her to fire a weapon, and loved her more than life itself. When she needs you she will have memories of the woman that raised her. I miss my mother, but I remember her. It is her knowledge and wisdom that guide me even now. It is not selfish; being a parent is the most selfless act known to sentient beings. You will sacrifice your career and your own desires to guide her towards her own path."

Jane wiped away the tears.

"When did you become a Matriarch?"

Her gentle smile was as vibrant as the sun of any system.

"Loving you requires more patience than I think the Goddess capable of having. I thought I might need to tap into my mother's wisdom to survive our bond."

"I'll take that as an admission that you're ready to start our second bonding ceremony."

"Since the day you returned, love."

"Well then, let's get the show on the road. I can't wait for our second wedding night."

"I can't wait for the reception."

"Why's that?"

"I think there might be some fireworks over your brother. Wrex is arguing that only a Krogan could be your brother. Just wait for the Ryncol to flow. It also seems that Ash, Jack, and Miranda are all trying to lay claim to him. There may be a feline fight over him."

Jane laughed as they walked arm in arm.

"First, the Shadow Broker should stop spying on our friends. Secondly, I think you mean cat fight."

"Goddess, why must humans have so many euphemisms?"

"It gives us character. Are you just going to ignore my statement about spying on our friends?"

"I learned the value of selective hearing from my former Commanding Officer."

"She was a brilliant tactician, so I guess I should defer to her judgement."

The couple laughed as they left the empty hall.


End file.
